Once upon a time choosing a chair was easy … even a small golden-locked girl could do it (albeit while causing general chaos and incurring the anger of 3 giant furry mammals). But in today’s world of endless choices and possibilities how is one individual to determine the right chair? Will this tilt tension rock my world? Could this seat glide send me on the trajectory to greatness? Will this pneumatic lift give me the boost to rise from obscurity? I don’t know. But I DO know it’s fun to put people in boxes (no, not like that) and then relate their preferences to something completely unrelated. And so begins my delightful furniture blogging series:
If You Like This … You’ll Like That: Seating Edition.
(DISCLAIMER: much of this blog post is written with tongue firmly planted in cheek and in hopes that it might bring you some joy whilst choosing a chair that works for you. I will make many blanket statements and judgments in the process. Any resemblance to you … or anyone you know is purely coincidental.)
You are a person with very specific tastes, mostly for summer clambakes and a nice madras plaid. You love that your life is full of order, and your wife/husband Bunny/Chip feels exactly the same way. You own every pastel colored cable-knit sweater from the J. Crew catalog, a mean collection of boat shoes, and a pair of white linen pants so perfect that they make other white linen pants super jealous. You need a chair that will conform to you because, let’s face it … everything else has been handed to you on a silver platter. Why should this be any different?
Your Chair: Nucleus®, with its unique suspension seat construction and contoured knit-mesh back, it truly is a chair that requires very little adjustment to make it your own. All of your friends will be envious of the complete comfort you sit in all day (when not yachting of course), and all of the women will want to emulate its slim and sleek Hamptons-ready beach form.
You are classic. You love clean lines, beautiful shapes, and minimal extra fluff. While your family/children think you are cold and unfeeling, you know that you are just controlled and … well, controlled. Your hair is perfectly coiffed, your clothes immaculately pressed, and you have a deep appreciation for things of beauty … like yourself. Your 800-square-foot loft space with concrete floors, track lighting, and floor-to-ceiling windows is perfectly, and spartanly, decorated and only a chair that can live up to your high standards of design and function will make the cut.
Your Chair: Ceres®, with its contoured knit-mesh back and constant lumbar contact this chair will truly offer you complete support of your, likely lithe, form. You will be drawn to its clean aesthetic, as all of the knobs and levers have been removed and the controls are instead integrated into the seat itself. It is available in a multitude of colors, but more importantly in your two favorite colors: black and grey.
You have simple tastes. And when I say you have simple tastes, I mean you are somewhat cheap. You are still living in those good ol’ college days with drawers filled to the brim with team t-shirts and foam fingers. You revel in the glory days of sleeping in, ramen noodles, and ultimate Frisbee on “the quad.” Your domain: your parents’ basement. Your uniform: whatever is clean(ish). Your dreams: mostly unfulfilled. You need a chair that you can afford and that appeals to your simple, value-minded tastes.
Your Chair: Volt®, with its simple design and low price point is right in your wheelhouse. Not to worry. You won’t lose any gaming time dealing with pesky control functions. Your tension, lock, and pneumatic lift are all you will have to deal with. This chair is all that and a bag of chips and the bag of chips you may or may not be consuming as you read this blog … seriously, get some fresh air.
You are unique, yet strangely similar to all other hipsters out there. If you’re a dude, you probably sport a mustache. If you’re a lady, you might also have one. Your pants are tight, your glasses are thick, your coconut water is cold, and your iPod is filled with obscure-while relatable-indie music. You don’t like many things … but what you do like, you like ironically. You are a unicorn in a herd of other unicorns that are really horses with the June issue of “Nylon” rolled up and affixed to their forehead. You need a chair that you can really make your own while still fitting in with the cool kids around town … ironically, of course.
Your Chair: Ignition™, with its multiple-back heights and design options you can be just different enough while still being just about like everyone else. Once the chair is yours, adjusting it to you is a breeze with the ratchet-back mechanism and consolidated controls, so you won’t have to work too hard … we wouldn’t want you to get any actual sweat on that sweatband. Not to mention, we can outfit your whole hipster crew: Holden in the Executive High Back, Tallulah in the Mid-back Mesh, and Zooey in the Stool.