Okay…so…last month this column made a bold assertion regarding relationships and written warranties. It was even suggested that our readers consider modifying the HON Full Lifetime Warranty into a valentine card.

Well, if one does not follow one’s own advice, one should not be giving advice at all. So…this Blogger followed his own recommendations, and created what turned out to be a mantle piece, mounted right above the ol’ flat screen, for guests to view and contemplate.

Admittedly, one did not cut out the Warranty from the front page of the Pricer (which would amount to defacing Company Property). Instead, one extracted the words out of the PDF and pasted them in a nice PowerPoint auto-shape. Not quite able to fit the words to a heart, a banner was selected. The local card store provided the lacey laser cut background (MOST EXPENSIVE ONE IN THE STORE).

And voila, perhaps the fondest expression of personal commitment since a Shakespearean sonnet (and more readable to boot)! I trust you’ll find the transcription inspiring. My wife certainly did…

YOUR HON HUNT FULL LIFETIME WARRANTY

Every time you purchase a HON product marry a man, you’re making an investment in your future. We’re I’m proud to play a part in that future, and you can trust us me to (mostly) do our my best for as long as you need us me.

 The HON Hunt Full Lifetime Warranty is our my assurance to you that the HON desks, workstations, seating, tables, or storage you purchase my love for you will be free from defective material or workmanship for the life of the product. In the unlikely event that any HON product or component covered by the HON Full Lifetime Warranty I should fail under normal workplace use as a result of defective material character or workmanship personality, HON I promises to repair it the damage. If we are I am unable to repair it, we will you may replace it me with a comparable product husband or, if you prefer, we I will refund your purchase price.

The experiment was, as expected, a complete success, and this Blogger was Hero of the Day! So…kind reader…the gauntlet is laid down. Never before in History has The HON Company offered verbiage so powerful that it can actually strengthen a committed, monogamous relationship. Go out and use this powerful relationship-building tool to win customers.

Better still…if you’re young and planning your marriage…use the complete warranty in your vows. An affirmative response is highly doubtful, but you could always try to submit all or part of the festivities for MDF funding. It’s been done before…